My holidays are coming to an end soon, very soon. I don’t know what I’ve been doing. I haven’t been doing anything that most of my peers are doing right now. I haven’t travelled for any graduation trip except 1 Batam trip with my hall clique. I feel as if I haven’t graduated even though I have REALLY graduated! My holidays are really very normal. I wake up late every morning at 11am, spend an hour preparing to lunch with my parents, lunch at Tampines Central (Tampines Mall, Century Square and Tampines 1), afternoon tea with my mom, visit my grandparents at Hougang, home and meet-the-people sessions on Mondays.
As shown, I seldom go out even though I’m very free. There’s no one else (except my mother) to go out with me. I have gradually lost my interest of exploring Singapore because I’ve developed an inhabitation; not willing to venture out far. Honestly speaking, I’m very upset with myself for losing this streak of adventurous side of me. I get more upset as the days pass, and this emotion has becoming worse when I know holidays are coming to an end. I’m left with less than a week to ‘enjoy’ whatever that I can seek. The only time I interact with people has become only during the MPS. I feel much more alive whenever I speak to people, I feel helpful when I’m able to extend my help to the needy people, and I feel so fortunate when these people really get help from the respective government agencies.
Despite living in such a fortunate scenario, I still cannot help feeling disappointed with certain things. I am not spoiled or pampered, but I really feel disappointed. It seems like my feelings are not understood. And I’m expected to be understanding whatever circumstances I am given. If I’m not understanding, I’m unreasonable? So how can I express my feelings in clarity and at the same time, not deemed as unreasonable? I feel trapped, totally trapped in circumstances. Facebook has become a tool for mental torture. Every time I log in to Facebook, I’m greeted with happy pictures of graduation trips, happy outings with friends and whatever happy things that happened. I feel like I’m lost in time. Yes I know I know I know, I cannot go anywhere because of circumstances and I’m expected to be understanding because of ”why this and why that”. Even going out together has become so rare. And yes, I must be understanding as to why we cannot go out. A big SIGH for you.
Now that my holidays are coming to an end, I don’t know how in future can I make up for this loss of time?
